i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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