I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize