He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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