I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I faked an abortion last night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
