from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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