I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize