My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
