we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
