Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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