Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
