I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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