Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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