the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
