Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
