my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
