u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
my poor anus
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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