I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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