Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
