I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
