listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
