Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
