and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
