one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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