i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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