Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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