i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
