More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
