Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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