ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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