So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
