Where did you get a picture of my penis
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
