there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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