did you get engaged???
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
