3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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