he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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