i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
