u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
