Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
