the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
