absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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