woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
