Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
