I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
