New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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