You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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