By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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