the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
