Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
