she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
