thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I came so hard my ears popped.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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