Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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