i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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