His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
