im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize