I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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