Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
