then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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