I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
