It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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