He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
