Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
