you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
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the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think your dad took our porno
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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