My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
