she was so not down for the gang bang
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now Iโm flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when Iโm on my period. If that isnโt love I donโt know what is.
Randomize
