dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
