wrigley field is MILF paradise
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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