Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
