Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
