So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
